He broke my heart...

Girls, I've been there. It sucks to have your heart broken. It really does. You put yourself out there hoping to feel loved and then... squash!
It's over.
It's done.
So, you pick up your broken heart and try to get on with your life.
Yeah, right. Not easy to do.
You hear every sad song on the radio.
You see every adorable couple walking hand in hand down the street.
You just can't get this guy out of your head.
So what's a girl to do?
Well, here is what I found from a website called Healyourbrokenheart.com
And I'd have to agree with the stuff they are suggesting. So for all of you struggling with a heart that has been broken...take a look and I encourage you to impliment some of these things into your new single life...read on my wounded hearted friends...


"Honor how you feel – let the pain come and feel it. Whether you are curled up in bed or out with friends, when the pain sweeps over you – let it. If you feel like talking about it, do so. If you are repeating yourself, find the friend who has done the same to you and vent. It is important to feel this pain and walk right thru it. The other option is to block it out and return to it later; as long as you understand the pain is not going anywhere until it is processed. I promise after you talk, cry, rant, scream, and sit thinking in silence about what you are missing and how you are hurt, you are on the path to recovery. When it returns again just rinse and repeat – this time will pass.

Know that hearts heal – no matter how much you do not believe this. No matter how down you are, how close to feel to the edge, just know this time will pass. Time and friends and family, but mostly time will heal your wounds. If you have lost someone even to death and are grieving their loss, if you cannot imagine a time where you will not feel such intense pain, please remember there are others in the world who have been in your place and who have gotten thru it. The common denominator in the healing is time. Can you speed up the process? Sure. Here are some helpful steps.

Music - listen to it, find the album. I don’t want to detract from this post with a bunch of neurological jargon about how music pulls at our heartstrings. I’d rather you just give it a go when you are feeling down. Music has a power, more than words to feel and heal your pain.

Writing - write it out, write it out. I’m sure you’ve heard the tip about writing out a letter to your ex and not sending it. Even if it doesn’t immediately seem to have a healing effect, it organizes your thoughts and helps make a matter of the heart more a matter of the head. Your logic will help heal – use it! Let’s say your break up just doesn’t make sense to you, then that is what you write. Why not send it? Because this time is about healing yourself and sending the letter would go against that initiative. If you are intent on mailing or emailing what you’ve written out, I recommend waiting at least 5 days after writing it to revisit what you’ve written. 5 days won’t change much between you and your ex, however, it may provide a world of difference to your perspective.

Reading – start. If you don’t feel like investing in a book, use the internet as a resource. Remember misery loving company? Not exactly how I would put it, but it is a comfort to know there are others going thru the same process.

Everyday add one thing to your day that makes you happy. If you can’t imagine that word in your life right now, search back thru memories. Childhood, a high school dance, a trip you took, an incredible meal you had and savor that memory for 5-10 minutes a day. If you have a hobby such as collecting antiques or blogging or anything – indulge in it. If you don’t feel like, force yourself to do it for 5-10 minutes minimum per day.

Exercise – try for at least 20 minutes a day. As for myself, I don’t have the urge to exercise even when I’m in a happy place. When I’m going thru a break up, even less so. So how do you do it? Know that your mind is very strong. It has capabilities and an arsenal of tools to defend your heart that you may not even be aware of. Use them. Tell yourself you are going to workout and just do it. I promise you’ll feel a little better.

Fake it until you make it. Smile – even if it’s not genuine, it has been scientifically proven to release endorphins and relieve some stress. Go out with friends against any little voice in your head telling you that you won’t enjoy yourself. Comfort yourself with things that are comforting to you (mac n cheese, sex and the city, a little shopping)…

You’re on your way, I promise.

Meat Market

A friend of mine sent me a link to this film called Yellow Roses...be sure to check it out.
Here is a comment left by one of their viewers I thought was pretty interesting...www.yellowrosesfilm.com


I’m looking at a model staring out from the shoreline on the front cover of a magazine. Girls, you know her. We see her practically everyday, she’s the actress who can fake sexy so well that they make her the star. She’s the 16 year old singer, rising to fame after a breast augmentation and lip injections. She’s the girl always walking the red carpet in designer dresses and a man for a purse.

According to People Magazine, She only dates millionaires, musicians, pro athletes, or bad boys who’s name she’s tattooed and will have removed in two years after their divorce. She’s the girl on the cover with long tossled hair stretching over the side of her eye while the wind catches just enough of it to stun all who gaze upon her. She is highly produced, like artificial sweetener, yet the photographers, hair and make up teams refuse to show us any sign of something that makes her human. We’re longing for something real. Like a PMS zit, bed hair or mascara smeared from crying- just a clue that she can even cry in the first place.

Her body is infectious, full of sensual symmetry and bone structure. Her skin has the peachiest fertile glow, normally reserved for the angels. For a minute I envy everything about her. I’m hooked, and soon following will be a bloody battle of tearing and dissecting myself apart to concede to her. She wins, she always wins. Luckily before this bloodshed begins, God hits a switch and I am instantly reminded of my husband Chad.

Chad is a fashion model with Ford Models NYC. Back in the day and before we had our daughter, we would fly to our apartment in the East Village and take on New York each week. The first time I walked into Ford, it was like getting off the elevator into a foreign world. Beautiful men and women everywhere! Around every corner, a beautiful face, coming and going, beautiful faces. I was living the inside of a magazine, Editors Picks was in there, Beauty Insider was in there, Best Hairstyles and editorials. All those pages had come to life and were standing 6ft tall right in front of me. Onward we would travel, to a huge room with lots of noise and agents talking on their microphones, computers and cell phones simultaneously.

And surrounding these few agents was “the wall”. The wall consists of hundreds of faces on cards, each with unique expressions or poses, playing up their best features. Sexy, serious, playful… there was card after card. Face after face. It wasn’t real, just a pretend world selling pretend images to a world with too much pressure to pretend. This wall looked like a human meat market, in fact that was my name for it. Clients call in, Ford shows the clients hundreds of cards with faces, the client then chooses from the stacks full of faces and then the client’s favorite face is purchased and booked for a photo shoot on an island to take pictures of a fake vacation. Making beauty a business seems like robbing the dignity and sanctity of beauty by turning it into a focus and business soley on the outward appearance, in a capitalist factory. Inward beauty is non existent on the pages of our magazines and catalogs. Inward beauty doesn’t sell or make money.

Beautiful human beings bought from cards and who’s physical anatomy is employed to sell products to a society wishing it had more, was not God’s intention for our lives. Most of us now think we are the uglier folk, we are seduced by outward luster of beauty, wealth, stature, sexuality, companionship. We buy the products maybe even albeit subconsciously so that we feel that we can measure up… even if it’s just a millimeter more.

Meet the Author Date

Thanks to Logos Bookstore in Kent for hosting my "Meet the Author" date on November 27th from 11am-1pm
I hope you can make it to hear about my book and support my ministry PurityTalks.
I'm so excited to see my book out there and hope to get it in as many young women's hands as possible.
If you've already read my book, be sure to pass it along to a young women that might be interested.
Let's face it, we could all use some advise on self image, dating and sex!
Hope to see you on Nov. 27th!

Eye Magnets

Are you an eye magnet? Are you dressing to get the attention of any boy that will look your way?
Just so you know, I'm not just talking to young girls...I'm talking to you mom's out there too!
Admit it. We like attention in this area right? At ANY age it feels good to get noticed.
Why?
What is it that we are hoping for by doing this?
Is it love?
Is it eternal bliss?
Is it just for a moments pleasure? Because as a mom sometimes I don't always feel "hot" anymore
Why?
Well, one reason(which is a HUGE reason) is because we are told by the media and all around us what we should look like. The images we see on magazines and television tell us that we HAVE to look this way to be beautiful or to get popularity.
So, that's one reason we do it. Because we want to be "in" and not feel left out because we are differnet. Right?

The second reason is because we, as girls(young and old) feel that if a boy looks at us then he must want us forever...he wants to be our boyfriend, he took a second look so he desires to be with me and ONLY me.
Wrong!
He's thinking of you in a way that might surprise you.
He isn't looking at your cute outfit(which the word "cute" these days is usually revealing in some way, not just fashionable)
Girls, sorry to say, but he's checking out your body, and only your body. And it's not just the cute boys in school, it's the older men as well. Much older men. I"m talking gray hair older...
Now, some of you are getting grossed out, while some of you are like" yeah, I want them to think I'm sexy"
So, first let me chat to those who are completely grossed out...don't be.
God created men differently than us. That is just how they think. But then again, what they DO with thoghts is important too...but we'll chat about that later.

It'd kind of like if a delicious chocolate candy bar were sitting on your table and you were told to not eat it... it would be calling your name all day...you would look at it constantly just wishing you could enjoy it. That's what us "eye magnets" or "eye candy" (that's why they call it that) are like to these boys. They can't help but look because we are making the outside look soooo good. (another topic on INward beauty vs. Outward beauty at a later chat)

Now, to you who are saying" yeah, I want them to think I'm sexy"...girls, this is NOT the type of relationship that you want. If that is the only reason a boy gives you attention then your heart will be stomped on for sure. These types of relationships don't last. Your not going to get the love that you desire from it. You'll just simply be used. It might seem good for a moment, but most of the time you'll be thrown away like the eaten chocolate candy wrapper.

Sounds harsh, I know. But true.

Listen to these words written by Shaunti Feldhahn who wrote the book "For Women Only"...

"Women who are totally clueless about this problem(dressing in these ways)can also thoughtlessly contribute to it. Afterall the images in a man's head had to come from somewhere-and it's not just from pictures. The eye magnets on the street are choosing to dress the way they do. Unfortunately, because many women aren't visual, we may not understand what we are doing to the men around us-a fact that men find hard to believe, by the way. One father asked me why his cautious collegeaged daughter dressed in tight little tops and skirts around a particular guy she found attractive. "Surely," this father said, " surely she knows what she'd doing'"
"Yes, "I agreed. " She knows she looks good,but she doesn't know what is really going on in that guy's head. What she's smugly thinking is that guy thinks I"m cute."
"Cute has nothing to do with it!" the shocked father replied. " He's picturing her naked!"
And THAT is what we often don't get. Many women are just longing for male love and attention, not realizing that the resulting attention is the WRONG kind and has nothing to do with love."

Wow. This is something I did not know growing up.

Now let me say this quickly cause i know this post is long...God doesn't make mistakes. He created men to be visual. And everything that He created was good. Men are going to struggle for the rest of their lives with this temptation...and that is just what it is...a temptation. But what he chooses to do with that temptation is a different story. He can choose to act upon it by continuing to look or lust on that girl or image...or he can choose to look away or flee from the situation.

So, knowing all of this leads me to this question...what are YOU going to do about this?
Are you going to continue to post pictures of yourself in a bikini for all to enjoy your fab sexy body?
Are you going to show up at school with your tight, short skirt to get "Joe" to say hi, or do a double take?
Or are you going to choose to support and encourage those men in your life by dressing modestly? (and yes, modest can be fashionable too) :)

Let these guys get to know your heart. Who you are INside.
Take care of your OUTward appearance by simply taking good care of yourself(exercise, healthy food choices, spiritual well being) but make your focus on WHO you are...as a person...as the woman God created.

What are your thoughts?

I can't get no...satisfaction...

Okay so you might be a little young to remember this song"Satisfaction" but if you do remember...take a minute and sing it at the top of your lungs right now!

I can't get no...satisfaction...
but I try, I try, I try
I TRY-uh eye
I can't get no satisfaction...
no no no

you ever feel this way?
Like you are spinning your wheels just trying to get some satisfaction in life? But you never really seem to feel it?
You work hard at going to college to get a good degree to land the best job ever, then you land the best job ever, you make lots of hard earned cash, you spend your hard earned cash, you get the man/woman of your choice, you get that car you've always wanted, you change your wardrobe with every new trend, you buy the bigger house-because well, why would you want a smaller one? You go to fancy restaurants, you take fun vacations...you marry that man/woman that you've always dreamed of, you work out to get that amazing body...

although all these things are nice...they just don't seem to fill the void deep inside your heart.

Ever feel this way?

Ever desire something more?

Ever wonder if there is something out there that will SATISFY your deepest longing? Something that is far different than anything you've ever achieved or earned?

Is there something out there?

I know for me, I longed for it. I spent a lot of my life searching for something or someone to fill my void in my life. So, I filled it with fashion, and friends, activities, material stuff, boys....

Never felt satisfied.

Never.

Because nothing here, on this earth will EVER satisfy your deepest desires.

Wow. That's pretty harsh, you say. You are more than welcome to call me an idiot if you want.

But I know. I searched. I've been there. But end your search for satisfaction right now. You just won't find it in the places this world is telling you that you'll find it. It's just not here.

Listen to this....

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Col. 2:2

"you are always with me, you uphold me with your right hand, you guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you...

"and EARTH has NOTHING I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail but GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 76:23-26

This are the words that I found. This is the same God who kept whispering my name my whole life to come back to Him. I finally listened and am satisfied in Him. He fills me in ways that nothing or NO ONE could ever do. Is life perfect? Heck no! I still need to be reminded...but now I have this hope.

Are you listening to His whisper?

He is calling out to you.

And just so you know...nothing could ever separate you from His love. No past failures, no life long mistakes...no current mistakes...NOTHINg can separate you from His love. He just simply loves you...

Fun in the Sun...

I just got back from sunny Florida where temperatures were a hot 90 degrees each day. I love the sun. I find joy closing my eyes and soaking it all it. Before leaving for vacation I had made an appointment with a dermatologist to take a look at a few moles on my body that I thought were of some concern. Turns out that they were of no concern at all, but she did tell me that my wearing 5o sunscreen did nothing for me at all-my Italian blood still tanned a little. She told me that the body's defense mechanism is to tan to let you know that you need to get out of the sun! Kind of like when you get goose bumps when your cold. Crazy! I thought it was just a fun way of expressing to everyone that I just got back from vacation. :)

Yes, I know that coming back tan is fun and it gives your skin such a fresh sun-kissed look but I think I need to reconsider my thoughts. I don't want cancer, I don't want my kids to get skin damage at a young age. So you'll be seeing me with hats, sunglasses, and fully covered at the beach to protect the skin that God gave me.

On that same note, (sorry not a great segway), as we were in the sunny state of Florida I noticed a lot about women.

One being that women love to compare themselves to other women. I'm guilty too. Very guilty. In fact, my hubby actually caught me in the act of comparing. Yep, he did. After we returned he asked me about it. I didn't remember the particular situation he was talking about (well, because I was doing ALOT of comparing-yikes). I go around speaking to young women about self image and here I was comparing myself to other women wondering why I was so weirdly shaped, or why my hair was so frizzy during hot temperatures, or why my face looked so blahhhh.....(I had time to think about these things while standing in line at Disneyworld and looking around at the half dressed girls around me).

So here's the question. How can we as women stop this? We are only hurting ourselves. I am a confident person & I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin(generally). But I STILL do this and it still hurts my heart. I've talked with lots of women (beautiful and ordinary) and they all tell me the same thing. They ALL struggle with it. Even gorgeous models who you'd think are perfect struggle with this.
Can't we just be happy with who we are and stop comparing ourselves to others?
I want this. I want this for my two daughters.
I want my INside to be so radiant that others want to know what it is that makes me that way. I want to focus on my Inward beauty more often than my outward beauty.
Yes, it is important to take good care of ourselves. Eat right, exercise...but spending too much time in front of the mirror and comparing our outward selves to others is so not good for our hearts.

I once heard a mom say, "take time to make yourself look pleasing, but as soon as you walk out the door focus on others"

I love this.

If our focus is on loving others and not comparing ourselves with others, I think our hearts begin to become so radiant that it makes our OUTside radiant too.

"Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others." I Corin. 10:24

"Test drive the car before you buy it..."

I hate car shopping! I really do. Just the thought of the stress of the long day makes me feel sick. I hate walking into the dealership with the salesmen hunting you like their next meal. They walk up with their fake smiles trying so desperately to make a good first impression so you'll buy a car from them so that they can have a paycheck. Okay, okay, maybe I"m being a little harsh...I have run into some really nice car salesmen but admit it this is the typical scenario you run into right?

But I"m not writing today to chat about the salesmen...I'm here to chat about the car.

Aww the new smell, the feel of the shiney wheel beneath your fingertips, the gadgets that are WAY better then your last car so you just HAVe to touch each button on the dash. A new car. There's nothing quite like that feeling.

So, here's a question for you...would you ever just buy a car before taking it for a spin? Would you write out that first car payment check before you felt the way it drove? Would you brag about it to your friends before you even saw it and felt it? What if it smelled? What if it was all beat up? What if it just didn't ride like you had hoped. What if you hated everything about it?

You probably wouldn't buy it right?

This is how many describe relationships to me. "You gotta test drive the car before you buy it" they say...

or If it's not about cars it's about trying on a new pair of shoes..."you gotta make sure the shoe fits" they say...

Interesting.

It makes perfect sense. Right?

But the question is...do I want to be common?

Do I want the same heartache that everyone else is feeling due to this way of thinking?

Well, when I was in the dating world it's not that I actually had this thought process, I just wanted a boy to like me so I went out with whoever, and did whatever if it felt right. I just wanted to be accepted. I guess if I would have heard this idea of "trying before buying" then I would have bought into the same things.

So what am I really talking about here? Yep. Sex. This is the new way of thinking. If you don't like the way sex feels with this person then don't date them. Just have sex, try it out, if it's good then they are a good canidate for a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Hmmmm...


What has happened to our minds??

Sex and relationships were not supposed to be catagorized in the same venue as buying cars or clothing...it's so much more relational than that. If you try before you buy (what I really mean is have sex before your married) then you are setting yourself up for heartache after heartache. Broken relationships will only come out of it. I know. I've been there.
How about trying a different approach?

A friend of mine always says "let's be uncommon." I love this idea. Being uncommon.

About two years ago I went around to a local college campus to chat about this very thing...I'd like you to check it out...just go to my past post under the title "Sex before marriage, what do you think?"

Now what's your opinion?

This just in...

My book will be officially in print over the next few weeks.!!!! I am soooo excited to share it with you all so I hope you'll journey with me as I open up my heart and start promoting it. Right now I am just waiting on a few front cover changes and then it's straight to publication.
I'll also be having a "Meet the Author" date coming up soon at a local bookstore so I'll keep you posted on the date for that. In the mean time, I'd love you to help me by telling everyone you know who might be interested (girls ages 13-25ish, youth pastors...etc) and giving them the link to my blog or contacting me for future speaking engagements. My heart's desire is to get my story out to reach young women in the area of self image, dating and sex. It has been such a blessing to speak to these young women and watch God move in their hearts about some of these issues.

I also have a online conference that I am speaking at the weekend of August 27th. I'd love for you to be there. It's totally free and you can listen in from your own home (you can even wear your PJ's if you want.) Tell your friends and daughters about this conference. I think every woman will need to be reminded of some of the things we will be talking about.
Thank you so much for your faithful reading and support of my ministry.
In Him,
Angie

How do you measure up?

"Get a body you'll love"
"Tone your trouble zones"
"The Girl's guide to pretty hair"
"Bikini ready in 4 weeks"

These are just some of the headlines in a recent magazine.

I used to look at these magazines quite often thinking it was fun to find out what was in and what was out. What I found was that I was "out" more often than not. I never measured up to the standards that these magazines were telling me to live up to. I didn't feel good about myself after leafing through colored pages of half naked, perfectly beautiful women who apparently never ate a bite.

Have you ever felt this way? I'm in my 30's now and I still struggle with self image. I think it is a battle that women face each day especially because what we see in movies, magazine and on billboards tells us that there is NO WAY for us to measure up to this image.

When we were little girls we'd dress up in princess costumes and twirl around the room just waiting for someone to say how lovely we were. When my daughter was only 3 years old she'd dress up and say to her daddy, " Am I beautiful Daddy?" Don't I look lovely?"
She wanted to be admired by the only man in her life. She desired to feel lovely.

So the question is...do you feel lovely? Are you wondering if someone will ever notice you?

Check this out..."You made all the delicate inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex. Your workmanship is marvelous. and how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Everday of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. " Psalm 139:13-16

God thinks your lovely. He created you. He notices you.

In Proverbs 31 it talks about this amazing women of beauty. She "extends her hand to the needy, she is clothed with strength and dignity, her words are wise...charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised..."

you see, true beauty is within you heart.Your beauty overflows when you focus on your INward beauty. Your heart has been created as a reflection of God's own heart.
So girls, what are you doing to your hearts by looking at these types of magazines? Do they help or hurt the way you feel about yourself? Read something that empowers you and lifts you up! And above all else guard your heart. "Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." Prov. 4:23
Ask God what He thinks of you. Read Psalm 139:13-16 over and over again.

You are beautiful...

Purity is Important After All...

Have you ever seen this video? It's a little cheesy but it says so much. Would you drink from a bottle of used water that someone else drank from? Would you share it with a stranger? How about multiple strangers? I think I would prefer to choose the unopened untouched bottle that still has the safety cap on it. Why you ask? I dunno, maybe it's just gross. Strangers drank from it, there are a gazillion germs that could be floating in there...you name it. I'm going for the clean, unused water.

So, does purity really mater? Good question. Yes, of course it does! Even in this case. It's just plain better to be unopened, untouched, ungermified(yes, I know that is not really a word)...do you get what I mean?

So what happens now? What if it was already opened, what if it was already used, what if it is no longer pure? Are you ever going to have a chance at pure water again? Tell me what you think?

Jonny Diaz 'A More Beautiful You'

How far is too far?

Have you been in a relationship where you had to say to yourself, "I'm only going to go THIS far." ?
Have you set up boundaries of how far you will go physically?
I always did. I set up these road blocks in the beginning of my relationships with my boyfriends. I'd say, " Okay, my youth pastor just told us that having sex is BAD so I certainly can't do THAT. So I'll just kiss him..." or "I'll just let him do THIS to me" etc....

you get the picture right?

First of all, let me explain one very important thing...SEX is not bad. Actually just the opposite, it is rather AMAZING and it is ALL good. God created it. So it is good. But it is intended for marriage. Listen to this, " ...for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his WIFE, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2: 24

One flesh. That sounds pretty amazing doesn't it? One flesh tells me that it is very intimate, very personal, very spiritul. For only ONE person. They(Adam and Eve) were united.

Sex is relational. And that is God. He is relational. That is why He created us.

So, back to those road blocks we put up...if sex is so good and only supposed to be for marriage then why do we even bother with setting up boundaries? Why don't we just say, "Nope sorry, I can't go there AT ALL, I'm saving my intimate ONEness for my future spouse. Because I want it to be that good."
Can you imagine?
Man, I wish I was that smart...
Think about it...how do you determine how FAR is TOO far anyway?

Listen to this..."He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe." Proverbs 28:26

I just read some wise words from a study that I was doing earlier this morning..
1. The further you go, the faster you go.
2.The further you go, the further you WANT to go.
3. The further you go, the harder it is to go back. (God did not design you to go back. He designed us to move forward sexually. Consequently, it is almost impossible to permanently retreat to safety once certain lines have been crossed)

Where you draw the line determines...

1)the arena of your temptation-if you draw the line at kissing then you have determined what you will be tempted to do next. When you set standards you also determine your temptation.

2)the intensity of the temptation-temptation increases with increased passion and passion increases as a couple moves closer and closer to intercourse.

3)the consequence of giving in to the temptation-if a couple decides to draw the line at holding hands then one night they kiss-what are the consequences? A touch of guilt-maybe strep throat...:) But if a couple has drawn the line at the edge of intercouse...you get the picture.

So, you in a sense are determining your own destiny by choosing where you draw the line.

Take it a step further now...How far would I want my future spouse to go with the person they date before meeting me?

Yikes.

That is a lot of emotional loss if this whole sex thing is so relational...and it really is.

Guard your heart people. Guard it. In Proverbs 4:23 it says, " Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

Sex can be unbelievably fulfilling(and fun). Or sex can leave a person feeling used and empty.

Which do you suppose God intended?

I know that God intended it for good...to be fulfilling...that is why He created it...for marriage. Having sex outside of that union will leave you feeling empty and used. I know this full well. I've been there.

God has created you with the potential to experience great sex. (high five to God)

So, what now? What do you do next if you've already gone too far?

Take some time to map out your moral boundaries...plan on guarding your heart from here on out. For it is the WELLSPRING of LIFE! Then think. Think. Think. Ask yourself the question, " would I want my future spouse to do this...?"

It saves a lot of heartache if you just wait. Wait for the one God has planned for you in marriage. It will be worth every moment of waiting....

Does purity REALLY matter?

Why wait? Why remain pure? Does it really matter?

What are your thoughts...?

"You be the prince and I'll be the princess"

I sat watching an 8 year old sing a song by Taylor Swift at a rehearsal for my daughter's talent show the other night. She was adorable. Little red ringlets filled her head and her voice was sweet. I sat trying to figure out the words for she had a little lisp as she sang & I have never heard the song before. But I did get the gist of the song...it was about a girl waiting for her prince. How her mom & dad don't approve of the prince but she loved him anyway. She was going to wait for him & they were planning on running away together. The story of Romeo and Juliet.

It was quite obvious that this little girl loved this song. In fact, as I was watching I noticed other little girls of EVERY age mouthing the words. Even the mom's.

I believe it is in every woman's heart to be the princess. We desire this prince to pursue us and whisk us away to live happily ever after. It's true. Really.

This is a beautiful trait in a woman. I believe God gave us this desire to want to be pursued.

But, I have found that a lot of us "girls" are often dissapointed when this pursuing never really occurs. At first it seems like a fairy tale, happily ever after...yet things get old. Relationships die, people walk away when it gets hard. This high doesn't always last forever.

I have been married for 15 years now. I married the man of my dreams. He really loves & takes care of me in ways that I don't even understand sometimes. Yet, even though we have a fantastic relationship it sometimes gets stagnet. I think he'd agree. We just go about life and sometimes forget about who we really are and what we each desire. We have to remember. We have to make an effort to keep the flame glowing.

Most relationships fail due to these facts.

This is not the case with our God, our Heavenly Father. He pursues us endlessly. He desires & loves us unconditionally. He will be the only true prince in your life. No matter how far and wide you search. He is always there for you...just waiting...waiting for your Love.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

Those around you might fail you, they might hurt you, but God is all you need. His love lasts forever. Sing to him, "You be the prince and I'll be the princess..."

Defining Worth...

I want to go back to the issue of self worth. Because I think that is where the heart of this purity issue begins.

I hear so many stories of young girls cutting themselves because they don't feel they are worth anything but pain. They hurt themselves in this way because it makes them feel physical pain instead of the deep emotional pain...because sometimes the emotional pain is harder to deal with. More and more I hear these stories and it breaks my heart. I want to reach out and say "you are loved more than you'll ever know". Yet to these girls, they have no idea what that even means. Maybe they have never heard those words before. Maybe they are told the opposite on a daily basis so how could they know?

Some stories I hear, and some I've lived is that you know that your parents love you, but you just can't measure up to the standards that the world and media have put us at. So therefore, we don't feel worth much of anything. Yeah, we might think we are okay, but the truth is that there are sooo many others out there better than us because of their perfect...well, EVERYTHING.

Do you know what I mean?

Have you felt un-loved because you don't measure up to those around you?

I know I have.

I've felt insecure because of the way I looked.

I think deep down, we ALL have. Even the ones WE think are "perfect".

But I want you to hear these words...I mean let them dig deep into your heart. Just try.

"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb, I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14

It is okay to say that you are having difficulty believing that God loves you or that you are "fearfully" and "wonderfully made", if that is how you feel. You see God is greater than your hurts or your weaknesses. And He can change the way that you feel about yourself.

Understanding our self worth is the beginning of the process. The next step is to change how we think about ourselves. If we believe what is written in the Psalms then we can begin to reclaim the positive thoughts that He says about us and towards us. Instead of saying," I will never amount to anything" we can begin to say,"I am God's daughter, and He made me and He loves me and I know that He has a plan for my life and He will help me understand it"

So what does this have to do with purity? Well, many girls try to find this love through men. That's what I did. I longed for love and attention so I found it through the words and attention that they gave me. And soon, I was doing things just to be accepted. "If I do this, then they will love me forever".

Nope. If they loved me then they would have waited for me.

True unconditional love comes from your Heavenly Father. No one, noTHING on this earth will fill those voids.

Now read those words again...

"For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb, I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know full well." Psalm 139:13-14

A Single Man's Point of View

Check out this letter from an anonymous male writer-it's kind of long, but it's awesome to get a guys perspective on purity...take a look...

There's a saying that goes, "The best plan is to profit by the folly of others." That's what this article is about. I want to share with you a few things I've learned -- the hard way -- concerning girls, sex, love and relationships. Specifically, I've jotted down ten reasons why I'm now waiting until marriage to have sex.

Reason #1: I now know that sex isn't all it's cracked up to be.
When I was in college, I remember having an experience that I referred to as a "love hangover." After being with a girl, the next morning I always felt an emptiness. That's something you won't see on TV or in the movies, but it happens a lot. There was emptiness, even regret, afterwards.

The "love hangover" was a strange occurrence for me. Mainly because when I was in college, sex was my "god." As a male, it's what I thought about morning, noon and night. So you would imagine that having sex would have been completely fulfilling -- the crowning achievement in the worship of my "god." And yet, there was always a lack of fulfillment afterwards.

Has that been your experience, too? Have you ever had a "love hangover"? If you have, you should stop and consider, "Why is that? Why is it that sex, if it's so important to me, leaves me with an empty feeling?"

I remember being confused by this emptiness. I then concluded: "I just need more [sex], that's all." (We often think this way about stuff we hope will fulfill us, then doesn't. For example, we get the car we've always wanted, but then it's just "okay" after awhile. Instead of realizing that a car can't really satisfy us, we usually make the error of thinking, "Well, I guess that wasn't the right car. A different one will give me lasting fulfillment.")

But the emptiness continued. So, finally, I came to the conclusion that premarital sex wasn't all it's cracked up to be. It gets too much hype. It's not what the movies make it out to be. If it were, it would be completely fulfilling. There wouldn't be any "emptiness."

Reason #2: I now want to be more honorable toward women.
I've found that girls often don't fully understand what's going on when it comes to sex. That is, their perspective on the whole thing is very different from a guy's. Often a girl will justify sex by saying, "But I love him," even if she doesn't really want to go through with it. Why does that happen? It's been said that, "Girls use sex to get love; guys use love to get sex."

This is how it works: the girl is picturing marrying the guy some day; the guy is picturing everything he wants to do with the girl before he goes back to tell his buddies about it. And while something inside her is telling her it's the right thing to do, something inside the guy is telling him just the opposite, yet he proceeds. Why? For the physical pleasure no doubt, but also, I think, for another reason: it makes him feel like a man. But there is a great irony in that, for what is manly about deceiving a woman?

Something I've discovered is that, when you honor a woman, you are honoring yourself. Why? Because someday you will have regret, and the regret will last much longer than the pleasure. In the movie Rob Roy, the main character says, "Honor is a gift a man gives himself." When you honor a woman by doing what you know to be right in your heart (that is, what's in her best interest), you honor yourself and insure that you will have no long-lasting regrets to live with.

Reason #3: That's somebody else's wife.
Here's what I mean: most of the girls I've been with are now married to other men. When I put myself in the shoes of those men, I wish that I hadn't done what I've done. In fact, I might even like to punch myself in the nose for it.

And so it goes without saying that when I get married, I'm not going to like the idea that someone else has had his way with my wife. What about you? Do you like the idea of someone else being with your wife? If you have a girlfriend now and feel that way, think of how much stronger that feeling will be with your wife someday.

You can even take it a step further. That girl is someone's daughter. What if she were my daughter? Or what if she were my sister? Would I want some guy like me taking advantage of her? I now see girls from a different perspective. They're someone else's future wife, someone else's daughter, sister, etc.

Reason #4: Sex has killed my best relationships.
For example, I had a college sweetheart, the girl of my dreams. With her, there was never a dull moment. We totally "clicked." We waited for awhile, then, through my initiation, we started having sex.

Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level. And so, instead of growing closer together, we actually started drifting apart. That's what I mean by "sex killed my best relationships." People can relate on many different levels -- emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship. As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south. We might still be together today if we (I) had waited.

I've seen this happen with countless relationships, not just others of my own, but those of many other people. And I think there's a reason for this, which I'll explain next.

Reason #5: Sex before marriage ruins the other parts of the relationship.
For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl. As I look back on it, I can say that they happened literally every time, although I was unaware of these dynamics at the time. The two things were this: 1) I lost respect for the girl (even though I didn't want to); and 2) she began to mistrust me (even though she didn't want to).

I don't know why this happened, I just know that it did. Maybe it's just built into "the system." But one thing's for sure: I'm not alone. I've seen it happen over and over again. I know many people having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex. They go into the marriage with lack of respect and lack of trust, two absolute necessities for the health of any marriage.

I know a newlywed couple who have sex less than once a month because of this--he doesn't respect her, she knows it, and she doesn't trust him, so she doesn't want to give herself to him. It's very sad, and more common than you might think. But nobody talks about this kind of thing in public. And the movie and TV portrayals of couples having sex before marriage never present it either. It's like no one wants to acknowledge that it's happening, even though it is.

Reason #6: Waiting to have sex with my wife will mean better sex in my marriage.
Why? Because we'll go into the marriage with me having more respect for her and her having more trust in me. One thing I've learned: if a girl doesn't trust a guy, she doesn't want to give herself wholly to him. Deep down, she doesn't really enjoy being with him.

This is how it works. Since "girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex," a couple will have sex before marriage. The girl does this to hold on to the relationship. The guy does it because he wants it even more than the relationship itself. Then, after the marriage, the woman has what she wants: a commitment from the man. So she doesn't need to use sex to get him anymore. And, because she may be harboring resentment because he had sex with her before they were married, she is now not interested in sex. And the guy -- who doesn't treasure his wife because of the sex before marriage -- still wants sex but not as a total bonding experience with his wife. It's just sex, which she figures out. So, there is a lousy sex life in the marriage.

I'm not making this stuff up. Now that I'm out of college and many people around me are getting married, I'm seeing it happen all the time. The antidote: waiting for marriage to have sex will give the man a greater respect for his wife and the woman a greater respect for her husband. And consequently they'll have better and more frequent sex because they respect each other more and love each other more deeply.

Reason #7: Not having sex with other women will mean better sex in my marriage.
Sex is a mysterious thing that causes a deep bond between people, even if we call it "casual." The problem is this: the more I bond with other girls, the less I'll be able to bond with my future wife. It's like a piece of skotch tape -- the more you use it on different surfaces, the less it sticks to things. After awhile, it won't stick to anything.

If I bond with other girls before I get married, I won't be able to bond as well with my wife someday. I won't cherish her as much as I could have, and consequently I won't love her as much as I could have. Each day that passes that I've remained faithful to my future wife means that my relationship with her will be better.

It's a funny thing: our culture decries adultery, yet it freely condones premarital sex, even with multiple partners. That's ironic. Because, if you take the element of time out of the equation, premarital sex is adultery. We can imagine how adultery would greatly injure a marriage relationship, maybe premarital sex actually has nearly the same result. It injures the potential bond between a man and a woman.

Reason #8: I don't have to sleep with a woman to know if we're "sexually compatible."
Sex is meant to compliment a relationship, not be the most important aspect of it. That's what I've found out. It's supposed to be the icing on the cake when all the other aspects of your relationship are working well. I've come to understand that the sex will be good if the rest of the relationship is good. That's why I know I don't have to sleep with my wife to find out if we're sexually compatible. If we get along in every other area, the sex will be fine.

Something else needs to said here. Another thing I think I've "discovered" is this: when you place sex as the determining factor of the relationship, it will probably result in poor sex. Think about it. If you put your sexual relationship under a microscope, always judging it and judging the relationship by it, it's doomed to fail. It's like being in prison. You're locked in to something that is supposed to be freeing, not incapacitating.

But, when you focus on the other parts of the relationship, and the sex isn't the focus, then you're freed up to have a more enjoyable sex life, with no pressure of having to make it always spectacular. (Because it won't be.) And yet, I don't think that as a college-age adult I was capable of notfocusing on sex, that is, unless it wasn't present at all. That's why I think it's best to wait altogether.

Reason #9: I have found something more satisfying than sex.
I know what you're thinking: "Yeh, right." But it's true. And in fact, in a way sex helped me to discover the something that outdoes it. And that something is not really a something, it's a someone. It's God.

Just hear me out on this one, I know it sounds far-fetched, but the whole thing makes sense. God has created us in such a way that we can't be ultimately satisfied by anything except Him. He built that into the human system, and into each one of our individual systems. As one man put it, "Inside every person is a God-shaped vacuum that only God can fill."

That's why we see people change careers, mates, fashions, and more -- because in our search for ultimate fulfillment, we get frustrated with the things (and people) that have not achieved it for us. So we discard them and move on to something (or someone) else, hoping that in them we will find the kind of fulfillment we are all really looking for. But the problem is, we never find it unless we come to God for it, because only He can provide it.

God loves us too much to see us truly satisfied by anything other than Himself. He wants the best for us, and that means Himself. Nothing or no one is more important than God. I know that's true because I found it out for myself. The emptiness I had -- after buying this and buying that, after sexual escapades, after all my efforts to be fulfilled in life -- the emptiness came to an end when I asked God into my life. More specifically, when I asked Jesus Christ into my life. Jesus Christ said, "He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty" (John 6:35). Those words came true in my life. When I entered into a relationship with God, the God-shaped vacuum inside me was finally filled. I didn't feel empty anymore. Consequently, knowing God has given me a deeper satisfaction than sex ever did.

Reason #10: God has given me the strength to wait.
It's been years since I've had sex. I wish I could say that I totally waited for marriage, but I can't. I do have regrets (and, as I said before, they have lasted much longer than any momentary pleasures). I have regrets about the way I've treated girls. I have concerns about the stability of my future marriage (if and when I get married). But God has helped me to deal with my past acts and with my concerns for the future. He is in the process of changing me, and has changed me a lot already.

Also, God has given me the ability to wait for marriage to have sex again. Sure, it's been a struggle at times, but God has been big enough to get me through it. All things are possible with Him. And each day, week, year that goes by, I know I'll have a better and stronger marriage someday because I've waited. Too, I have a stronger relationship with God, today, as a result of depending on Him in this vital area of my life as a man.

Where to Start
If you want to be successful in relationships someday -- as a husband and a father -- the best place to start is with yourself. The trick is not in finding the right wife, or having the right children. The key is to start with you. And the most important relationship you can have -- one that will make you a better husband and father -- is a relationship with God.

God is the author of sex, love and relationships in general. He created these things for us to enjoy. And we can enjoy them fully if we follow His design for them. I've come to discover that God is not a "moralizer." He doesn't say, "Do this" or "Don't do this" for no reason. When He says, "Don't do this" (for example, wait for marriage to have sex), He's not saying that to show me who's boss, He's saying it because it's in my best interest. He's saying it because He knows how He's built me as a man, what is best for me, and what will bring me the most fulfillment

So, does it matter to stay pure?

What does purity really mean anyway?

Do you know?

Do you care about your heart?

If you do then I hope that you keep reading...

Because it DOES matter. It really matters.

You see, I found myself in a real dark place around the age of 14. I was finally getting noticed by boys after many years of being made fun of. This probably doesn't sound very "dark" to you. But what I found as I reached this age, was that I was searching for love, attention & acceptance...from anyone. ANYONE. I wanted to be loved, I wanted to be told I was beautiful, I wanted the guys attention because it made ME feel special.

Soon I found myself seriously dating a boy (let me remind you-I was only 14) and doing things I never even knew existed.

Why?

Why do you think?

I want to know your opinions...

Get your close friends involved...ask them what they think...then send them my blog. Because I want to know your heart...

oops I did it again...

"Oops I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game...ohh baby baby..."

I really don't know the rest of the words but remember that song? Britney Spears so beautifully writes about how she messed with her "baby's" heart.

Ahhhh so sad.

I'm joking really. This song makes me laugh each time I hear it. Thankfully I don't hear it often but it comes to my head every time I say "oops".

And let me tell you, I said "Oops" too many times in my life. Now I'm mostly talking about the whole boy issue.

You know what I mean?

Yes, I am talking about sex but I'm also talking about some other stuff that I think so many just brush off.

What is it about girls these days that think that the "other stuff" is okay too.

Okay I admit it, I thought so too. I thought that the "other stuff" was just the "other stuff"...

...not sex.

But now that I see my broken heart & how I am constantly being haunted of my past I realize that the other stuff DOES matter. It does. It REALLY does. Don't let anyone fool you.

I know some of you are struggling with the intimacy issue. Come on admit it! I don't care how "Christian" you are...if your struggling with it-just ADMIT it. You see, I know. I hid it from the most important people in my life. I traveled this road alone because I didn't want any one to know what I was doing outside of church & youth group. But it hurt. It hurt because I knew that what I was doing was wrong and not the plan set out for me...

Do I have your attention? Are you thinking "she's talking about me-I'm going through this right now?"

I hope I do have your attention. We need to talk about this...we really do.

I am going to share more later so please come back(and please comment)

...your heart is ready to stop hurting...

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time. For many reasons, but first of all it would be fun to see & do certain things over again, for the joy of it. On the other hand, it would be nice to DO things over again. Make better choices. Not go down the wrong path. Not say that cold hearted statement to a friend. Not give someone the evil eye because I didn't get my way. Not date that guy who was really wrong for me.

Ever feel this way? Ever wish you could take something back? I feel this way often. Too often I make bad choices, I say the wrong thing, act the wrong way...the list goes on & on.

But we can't take them back. We haven't invented time travel yet so it just can't be done. Bummer, I know.

But what we can do is live. Live in the moment & really THINK.

Hmmm, that's a funny word....THINK.

I didn't do that very much when I was younger. I just acted. I just quickly made decisions based on how I was feeling at the time. I needed to lash out at someone because they made me mad...I acted upon it. If I needed some love & attention...I acted upon it by seeking out boys to fill my void.

THINK, THINK, THINK...

Is this what's best for others right now?

Am I going to regret this decision in the morning?

Does drinking this REALLY bring me happiness?

Do I really need a boyfriend to cover up my sense of insecurities?

If I said this would I hurt my friend's feelings?

Am I thinking about the other person involved & their best interest?

Think...

If I could go back in time...the first thing I would say is "I'm sorry...I am sooo sorry."

If you took the time to think, maybe just maybe you'll have less "sorry's" to make.

Check this out..."Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself...each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Phillipians 2:3-4

Was I thinking of others? Heck no! I was consumed with myself & what I could get out of it.

This is so sad to me.

As I continue the rest of my life here on this earth (however long it is) I want this to be my motto & my prayer..."to consider others better than myself".

What are you doing today that is self seeking? Remember time travel has not been invented yet, so be sure to THINK before you act. THINK about your motives & THINK about others well being...