Mother/Daughter Chats

I was talking with a father the other day and he said something that shocked me. He told me that he had a 15 year old daughter and he was throwing her a birthday party. He wanted to plan a role playing game so that her and her friends could do something fun and different since they were all theater girls.  He was planning on being the MC for the night and kind of walk the girls through the game. I was impressed at first because I thought this man was trying to relate and be a part of his daughters life. I told him how impressed I was at his involvement and he said, " No way, I'm just trying to make her happy. All she does is yell at me and I'm trying to get her out of the house. I'm not trying to make friends with her. She is driving me crazy. "
And he was serious. He wanted nothing to do with her anymore. How sad for him to give up on his 15year old when that age is when she'll need her daddy the most. Just because she says she wanted him out of her life, does not REALLY mean that she does.
Since the moment my daughters were born I couldn't wait to have girl to girl chats with them as they got older. I had always said that I wanted to be the kind of mom who they could talk to about anything and everything. We have always been good communicators in this little family of ours and I just knew that "these talks" would come very easily.
Wrong!!!
My daughters faces turn 50 shades of RED and they hush me every time I bring a "personal something" up. They don't even like to mention the fact that they have to shave their legs. They are totally embarrassed by me and my outgoing approach on these topics.
This is something I never anticipated going into being a mom of 2 daughters. Especially since PurityTalks is all about these moments and conversations.
 I thought we'd paint our nails chatting about sex and boys and all their friends would think I was the coolest mom of all!
Nope. Not quite there yet.
My girls are uniquely fabulous. They amaze me daily at their creativity and level of deepness.  They are not girly girls at all. I'm ok with that. I am not a girly girl myself. I like to get dirty, shoot bow and arrows and I long for adventure while I hike in the woods.
But I so desperately want my girls to know that it's ok to be feminine. It's okay to love getting dressed up and looking gorgeous. It's okay to talk about the boy that is totally adorable. It's okay that you have to shave your legs because you are Italian and your hair grows like a monkey. It's okay to cry and admit that your heart is breaking. This is how God created us. Women. Messy, beautiful women. In His image. Nothing to be ashamed of.
I decided to try a new approach. Since my book came out 4 years ago I knew that my girls were not old enough to read it yet. Even though they have asked to read it, I have always told them that I would let them when I felt they were ready to hear it. I kinda figured that 13 would be the appropriate age.
Well my oldest is 13 now and I knew that she was mature and ready to hear. She needs to hear my personal journey through those awkward years so she can relate a bit. I asked her if she would take a few nights and sit with me to read it. To my surprise, she enthusiastically agreed and we sat together cuddled under a blanket on a cold night reading my story. We laughed. We cried. Each time I stopped, she'd beg to go on. She wanted to hear more. She longed to know my story.
It made me realize that even though these times might be difficult and these moments might be hard to break through, we NEED to share our stories. Deep down they long for it. Our children need our life experiences shared so they can understand the WHYS to not doing something.
We preach, we teach, we punish, we encourage, we are constantly saying" don't do this, don't do that" but are we sharing the WHYS?
This is the best way to teach & mold our kids.
I am learning everyday. Everyday. I'm learning that I have a long way to go before I am the coolest mom around. But I'm going to continue to love, teach, encourage and share.